Top 7 Reasons I Hate the Celtics

With the Cavs – Celtics 7-game second round series tipping off this Saturday night, I’ve posted below – in no particular order – my top -7 reasons I hate the Celtics…

Dirty Players, Dirty Team:  I can agree with Joakim Noah on two things.  It is true that Cleveland does not get all that many vacationers, and its also true that Kevin Garnett is a dirty player.  And I’ll take Noah’s comment one step further, the whole team’s dirty…just ask Ray Allen.  Don’t be at all shocked when the game plan includes collective shots at LeBron’s funny bone elbow on Saturday. 

Paul Pierce:  Lotta reasons here, I’ll just name a few.  His team was awful before his GM went out and traded for two superstars, and now all of the sudden he is allegedly one of the greatest Celtics ever…huh.  This is after he quit on seasons, and led teams towards finishes in the Draft Lottery.  You can give LeBron the 11 worst players in the NBA and he’ll finish outside the lottery, guaranteed.  Besides that, all that crying during the ring ceremony was pathetic, and so was this whole mess, Willis…

more after the jump

Eddie House:  Look I know he was traded this season for a guy who’s most known for consistently winning a contest that nobody wants to take part in year after year, but you – Celtics – did choose to associate yourselves with a guy like this for as long as you did.  And people don’t forget that stuff.  Biggest clown in the Association…shouts out to Rafer Alston – what’s up Skip!

 

Rajon Rondo:  The impressionable young PG has been influenced by Mr. Anything is Possible, and displays streaks of shadiness in his game on the regular.  But more than that, it’s really not necessary to where your headband upside down Rondo.  Kris Kross thinks this fad won’t catch on…put Jerry West back up on his feet, and go ahead and shoot that open three…because the Cavs will be giving it to you all series long.

Kevin Garnett the Celtic:  What happened to you KG?  I used to think you were cool 10 years ago.  Well, I know what happened.  You’re getting crushed in your battle with father time, you’ve lost a step – or six – and you know it, and you’re compensating by morphing into that step on his toes, jersey grabbing, cheap shot dropping, old man in the 20 something rec-leage that’s out there still trying to prove his J-V coach wrong 30 years ago for cutting him, as a junior.  And part of me almost gets all that Kev…but why do you have to be so angry about it all the time?


Glenn Big Baby Davis:
  We didn’t forget about all that crying you did on the sidelines last year, Baby.  Nor did we forget that bout of hilarity about kiddie rides at Disney Land, or that whole taking your shirt off at the victory parade move.  C’mon Glenn.  Oh, and you also sent Shaq to the shelf for thirty some games this season on a move that could serve to illustrate my first point…but I won’t get into to all that, Baby.  Just promise to not cry this series…its awkward for everybody.


You traded us Jiri Welsh:
  Thanks for that.  You knew we had a general manager at the time who was willing to draft guys like Trajan Langdon and Luke Jackson in the lottery and you took advantage of him.  You felt it not only necessary to start Jiri Welsh for 44 games that season to make him look legit, but you then convinced Jim Paxson to trade his 2007 first round pick for him…I hope Jim’s brother John does you like he did Del Negro for that theivery.

I’m sure by Monday I’ll have seven more but that’s all for now.  And make no mistake, starting Saturday, this will be a battle war hotly contested series.

Brendan Bowers

About Brendan Bowers

I am the founding editor of StepienRules.com. I am also a content strategist and social media manager with Electronic Merchant Systems in Cleveland. My work has been published in SLAM Magazine, KICKS Magazine, The Locker Room Magazine, Cleveland.com, BleacherReport.com, InsideFacebook.com and elsewhere. I've also written a lot of articles that have been published here.

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